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How do you run a house?

The way we run our homes differs from person to person. If we are lucky enough to have parents who teach us how to do the housework, we usually learn from them how a house is run at the same time. Most parents don’t involve their kids in the financial side of the house, but sometimes that’s necessary. I never learned how to pay bills or do the weekly shopping on a budget, I just remember having to carry those heavy bags home because we couldn’t afford taxis.

I never really learned how to run a house, keep all the areas clean, how many times a day I should hoover, or wash up. I just do it when it needs to be done. Sometimes it sits there for a day. My house is not spotless. My husband calls it ‘lived in.’ We have children and I am not the type of parent who goes around with a broom cleaning up after every single thing they do. I have started teaching them to clean up their own mess. If they spill a drink they wipe it up.

I know people who have perfect condition show homes, no mess anywhere, kick boards and cupboards in perfectly clean show-home condition through out. I wonder if they have time to go to the toilet, or sit down with a book if they have a home that is so perfectly clean. How do they have time to do anything but housework everyday? I imagine them waking up at 6am and showering, dressing, eating and then donning the rubber gloves and scrubbing, hoovering, sweeping, mopping, trimming, wiping, washing and weeding non stop until lunch, where they give themselves half hour (or maybe they eat while they work?) and then carrying on with cleaning until dinner. I don’t see those types of people sitting down unless they go to the toilet or eat. I imagine them saying things like ”I’m very sorry Susan I can’t come to lunch with you today, the pipes behind my toilet are a shocking mess and I need to spend an hour cleaning them.”

My kick-boards are grubby, the inside of my cupboards haven’t been wiped over in months let alone scrubbed and my garden is in desperate need of some TLC. But I’m having to much fun playing with my kids, going out for the day, playing games and watching films with my family to worry about weather I dusted the windowsill at the top of the stairs, or if the laundry is folded and put away the instant it’s dry. My house has dusty toilet pipes, and water marks on the windowsills. Its garden is a bit overgrown simply because it’s been far to hot to be outside weeding. I’m not going to make myself sick for the sake of gardening.

I go to these peoples houses and I’m afraid to touch anything or do anything in them. I spilled my drink on the carpet, panic! Normally I’d grab a tea-towel and scrub it up, but in somebody else spotless home what do I do? Get out the hoover and the stain remover and spend an hour on my knees scrubbing and washing the stain out? Is there a special way I am not in the knowledge of because of the way I do it at home?

I’m going to stay at my mothers in a few weeks, with my son. We wear shoes in the house, we don’t always make sure the rubbish is in the bin, when we aim and throw it (but it is put in the bin.) We can’t do that in my mothers home, and my son is going to struggle with that concept.

Maybe we should have been better house keepers, taught our kids how to run a house to a higher standard. But honestly, this is our house. It’s how we live. It’s not a hoarders paradise, it’s not covered in dirty plates, old food and rubbish covered floors. The door frames might have small grubby hand marks on them almost all of the time, but the floors are cleaned daily, the washing up is done once a day, and the laundry, that’s washed and dried, but not necessarily put away on the same day. The rest of it, well, it can wait.

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Dilema

In February I did some things that lost me a lot of good friends. I am not welcome anywhere that these people are. I am not invited out to anything. One of those people was/is the CEO of a writers group I am a member of. Last year our writers group held a BBQ to drum up some new members, gain some pennies for the charity associated with us etc. It was a success. Because of the current situation, I can’t host that this year.

The BBQ is being held at another members house. I have been invited. I’m invited because I am still a member of the writers group. But, I can’t go. I’m not going because I haven’t been to a single writers group meeting since February. A few of the people going don’t even want to see me, let alone have to be polite to me.

I’d cause more issues than is necessary if I go.

On the other hand, I am still a member. I have been invited to this BBQ. It’s an opportunity to apologise, which is something I find very difficult to do. But I don’t think it’ll go down very well at this event as it’s supposed to be a party. I won’t get another chance any time soon because as I have said, I am not welcome anywhere.

What do I do?

When did manners become a thing of the past?

I’m not a stick in the mud. I’m not a grouch, or lacking in fun in my life. But what I am is polite. Something that annoys me, is lack of manners. Not just the random sorry if you accidentally bump someone, or you’re in the way or such. I mean proper old fashioned manners.

By that term I mean;

Sitting up at the table, not slouching.

Saying please and thank you, where necessary, all the time.

No grabbing other peoples belongings.

Asking politely for things, not demanding or shouting ‘I want.’

Waiting patiently, not barging in or yelling for service.

Obviously there are others, but these are the ones that I am teaching my children. It appears that I am in the minority of parents who believe that teaching a child how to behave is part of learning how to be a decent adult.

I am a very firm believer that if children are taught something from a very early age, that by the time they are adults, not doing it is out of the question. Like dropping litter, spitting, fighting, swearing and bullying, for example.

Today I took my children to a local pub to play. This pub has a garden and play equipment, so my children were in and out and I was keeping an eye on them, while I wrote.

When I saw other children bullying mine initially I didn’t know how to deal with it. I have always said to my kids, if someone is being mean to you, you come and find me, tell me and I’ll deal with it. They didn’t. When I saw my youngest child, who is 6 and very sensitive, have his hat ripped from his head and the boy run off with it, I took action. It became clear to me that this boy had never been told off before, judging by the shocked look on his face when I walked over, told him his behaviour was unacceptable and asked him where his parents were.

I got the typical response of ‘he was kicking me’ which I didn’t see in the seconds before the older boy snatched my sons hat. But it needed to be dealt with, because if both boys were bullying each other then it needed to be stopped. I took my son and the boy over to his parents and said that I believed they’d been fighting, all I saw was your boy take the hat away and throw it, but it needed to be sorted because bullying is wrong. They laughed.

I said how about we give them a 6 minute time out, 1 minute per year of age, and let them play again. The response I got was thus ‘6 minutes. That’s a bit much.’ They all laughed.

No, it’s not a bit much. ‘He’s 6.’ I said. ‘How old is your boy?’ They laughed again. The man/father said ‘How about I keep him here with me?’ to which I said I would keep mine with me for 6 minutes. When I looked, the boy was back playing. No punishment given.

Now, please do correct me if I’m wrong, but how in the world is this kid going to learn that treating smaller people like that is wrong if he’s not disciplined when he’s being naughty?

If we as parents do not teach our children how to behave, and lead by example, they will grow up to be nasty adults. I see it every day, some little mouthy kid swearing at his parents, or screaming abuse at others in the street, fighting with everyone and stealing from the shops. It’s downright disgusting that the parents of these children either don’t know what their kids are up too, or don’t care, or are the reason their offspring’s behaviour is like that in the first place.

I’m often left astonished by some of the parenting that I see. Since when did screaming swear words, calling your kid names and such become part of the parenting handbook? Children who are spoken to and treated like that will grow up to be adults who treat their peers the same way.

It carries on for generations. The reason this country is going to shit is because of the way in which we treat things and possessions better than we treat humans. Even dogs are often treated better than people.

Children’s behaviour is getting worse because parenting is getting worse. The ‘powers’ that parents did have has been stripped away by laws and agencies. It’s now illegal to physically chastise your children. Since when did a slap on the backside cause harm to a child when they did something in need of discipline? At least that way they learned that if they stole, or were rude, or broke the law they would be taught a lesson. Now though, all you hear is shouting, screaming and swearing and the kids are still doing whatever they want anyway.

Society won’t recover from this unless parents start to discipline their children and teach them right from wrong every day, from an early age.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should making false rape allegations send you to prison?

stock-photo-uk-police-vehicles-at-the-scene-of-a-public-disturbance-10549111

The subject of false rape allegations has sparked a lot of debate for a long time. But what I just don’t understand is why someone would think the answer to the question is no.

The answer, in my opinion, is obviously yes. Throw the book at them. Lock that cell door and never look back.

Let me explain why I believe that this is the only right answer.

Rape is a very serious crime. That is obvious to everybody. Rapists are the scum on pond scum. They don’t deserve any kind of decent treatment, no basic human rights should be available to them, when they took away the basic human rights of their victim.

I believe that 98% of women who report a sexual attack are absolutely genuine. Each and every case reported deserves the utmost respect and care possible to find out the truth, and to be able to deal with the attacker appropriately. Being raped is a major trauma. It can take decades to deal with, some victims commit suicide. The survivor needs all of the support available to carry on with their lives. It’s not an easy case to investigate, and it’s not easy to live with afterwards. The amount of manpower, investigative work and stress that a case like this causes the police, and victim, is hard to imagine. I don’t believe that any police officer, medical examiner, forensic person or doctor actually likes and wants to deal with these types of cases. Genuine victims require special care and treatment. Forensics are involved. People don’t seem to realise that it takes money to investigate crimes. It costs a lot of money to investigate these crimes.

Innocent until proven guilty is the common phrase thrown around wildly. If you have been accused of doing anything at all that you didn’t actually do, how did you prove that you didn’t do it? Did the perpetrator own up, or was it another way? The problem with being accused of rape right now is that the accused is not anonymous. Everyone will know who they are, and everyone will have their own views on the crime that the person has been accused of. You often hear people say things like ‘There must be truth to it somewhere or why was he arrested?’ The answer is quite simple, really; because he was accused of rape. That’s it. The police don’t get the report, sit with their coffee and donuts looking at said report wondering if they should go and arrest the guy or not. They don’t think ‘Oh, maybe he didn’t do it and we’re wasting our time’ If a woman reports that she has been raped and who it was, the police will go and arrest that person. It’s that simple. It doesn’t even matter where the perpetrator is, work, school, shopping or gym. The police will arrest them under suspicion of rape in front of those around him.

If a woman is lying about being raped, she is basically saying that she doesn’t care about the other women who have been in her shoes, nor does she care about the family and lives of the man she accuses, she doesn’t care about wasting police time, costing money that could be used to investigate an actual rape case. The lying woman is only interested in her own needs at that precise moment. People who are accused of serious crimes, like rape, have their lives turned upside down. They lose their jobs, their families, their homes and can no longer leave their home, (if they aren’t in jail) for fear of attack from the public. The majority of people who are accused of these horrendous crimes go on to commit suicide, weather they are guilty or not.

If the person is falsely accused, they are still subjected to this nightmare life, and for no reason. The saying ‘mud sticks’ is very true. We all know how sticky wet mud is, how it gets everywhere (gossip) is easily spread about (rumours) and how nasty it can be to be accused of doing vile things to another human, when you are indeed innocent.

The woman who decides that she is going to start lying about being raped at the present moment gets away with doing so. There are no charges brought against them. But the man who is accused is punished for the rest of his life for nothing. Every criminal record check that this guy has to go through for work, or to gain a visa etc will show suspicion of assault on his record. But the woman doesn’t have a criminal record that says she falsely accused a man of rape. She doesn’t have anything in her history that says she’s unstable, or a risk to others.

These types of women think that they’ll be forgiven for cheating in their current relationship, or they may regret a one night stand, or go on national tv and start adding random things to their story to gain more sympathy. I have no idea why this sounds like a good idea to these particular women, but it happens.

It’s a criminal offence to cause harm to others. Falsely accusing someone of rape, and turning their lives upside down, is causing someone undue harm. Therefore it should be punishable by law. Simply being accused of doing something like this is enough to ruin lives, even if you are found to be innocent. So, in my book, the woman who lied and turned her innocent victims life upside down should also be dealt the same hand. She’s caused unnecessary harm to an innocent person, it’s illegal to hurt others, therefore she should be punished by the law.

This is why my answer to this question is a resounding, and very loudly yelled, YES!

What is the percentage of unrecognised flirting?

stock-photo-couple-dating-flirting-and-playing-billiard-in-a-pool-hall-1020107416This afternoon, like usual, I was in the pub playing on the pool table. There’s normally just the 4 of us, me, my husband and 2 friends. It’s not unknown for others to join us, but they play a game or 2 and leave. We currently hold the monopoly on the table because we are 90% of the time the only ones playing on it, every week it’s the same. We’ve been playing in this particular pub for about 5 months now, spending from 10 am-2 pm on the table and drinking coke (yes, I mean coke.) The pool table is free to play on Wednesdays from open to close, which is one of the reasons why we go in. I’m quite handy with a cue, and our weakest player has come on in leaps and bounds from the first game he played.

Pool as a game is a good ice-breaker. You’re not sat at a table, trying to hold a conversation with someone you’ve just met, unable to think of something to say, because the game dictates your movements and the conversation can begin by talking about the rules of the game, of which there are about 10 different variations depending on what country you play in, and whether you play in a pub or professionally. It’s also a lot of fun if you are flirting with intentions, and I have done that in the past. You can bend over the table a multitude of different ways…

As a married woman for the last 6 years, I have no idea what flirting is anymore. I wasn’t too up on my flirting knowledge in the first place, but now, because it doesn’t happen to me, I don’t recognise it if it does.

Today it happened.

I didn’t even realise it was happening until we had to leave. This is the brief conversation I had with the chap I had just beaten at pool.

Me ”Maybe see you next week?”

Him ”I’m only here today, back to work next week.”

Me ”Well that’s a shame. It’s nice to have a bit of competition.” I motion to the table, and my friend says ”Oi, cheeky!”.

Him ”Sorry if I offended you.” I thought he meant by pulling his shots on the table, because he is a far better player than me.

Me ”Oh you didn’t, it’s fine.” He laughed and I called to our friend to say goodbye.

Him ”If I see something I like I go after it” that puzzled me. Did he mean winning?

Me ”I’m not sure what you mean?”

Him ”You don’t?” he was smiling at me.

Me ”No.”

Him, laughing ”Do you have a number?”

Me, realisation dawning ”Yes. I also have a husband” and I pointed at him standing behind me.

Him ”Oh, I should shake his hand then.”

Me ”I’m flattered though, thank you.”

My husband and I are known among our friends for our lack of PDA’s (public displays of affection) it’s not something we have ever done, so it’s not difficult to believe that the chap thought I was single, despite the wedding ring on my finger.

We leave the pub and I explain what’s just happened to my husband, who wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention, and to our friend who caught up with us outside. The chap is quite likely old enough to be my father, unless he’s had a very hard life. That aside, he was pleasant, not bad looking and polite. It transpires during conversation that we had at one point in the past lived in the same area of London, and he currently works in a school not to far from me. We talked about the rules of the game, what rules we played etc.

There was a lot of innuendo flying around, which is not unheard of among our little group anyway, with talk about going slowly to get the balls in the hole and smacking it hard.

At no point did I, or anyone else, realise that this chap was flirting with me.

When I got home I began to think about how many times I may have been flirted with in the past, that I just haven’t realised at the time, and do I think it doesn’t happen to me because it hasn’t, or because I actually haven’t realised at the time it’s happening?

I used to say ”I wouldn’t know flirting unless they grabbed my arse.” Nowadays they ask for your phone number.

There’s a fine line between being nice and flirting. Things can get confusing, and often lead to situations you didn’t know you were walking into, if you don’t realise the other person is flirting with you. Often women are accused of flirting, or giving the wrong impression or signals, just because they are being nice. I’m nice to everyone, I smile a lot and I’m not a shrinking violet around men. I can hold my own. But now I am thinking about it, I wonder how many men thought I was flirting when I was just talking and being my usual self?

How many wo/men have given up talking to, or flirting with, a wo/man because s/he’s not reciprocating the flirting, because s/he hasn’t realised that’s what s/he’s been doing?

How many wo/men found themselves in situations they didn’t intend, due to being misconstrued?

How many wo/men realise they were being flirted with after the fact, when it’s too late?

What’s the percentage of unrecognised flirting?

Do you have any stories to share? Please feel free to comment here, or if you would like to remain anonymous, you can message me privately on my WordPress site, using the contact me form.

 

 

Controversial, or true?

So ok, imagine that you are going to live in a different country. The reasons and why-fores are irrelevant. You have sold whatever you can, packed up the things you are taking, told relatives and friends and maybe held a leaving party? you’ve handed in notice at work, the kids schools and anything else that requires it. You have sold the house, or given up the tenancy. You have found somewhere suitable to live in your new country, you sorted out any necessary passports, you have booked plane tickets, the taxi to the airport and made sure that everything is in order before you leave your home country for possibly the first and last time.

That’s a lot to take in, yes? Now imagine that you have done all of this, but you haven’t actually learnt the native language for the respective country? Sounds daft, doesn’t it? Why would you even consider moving to a completely new part of the world if you can’t communicate with anyone when you get there? What happens if you need food shopping, need a doctor, have to call emergency services, enrol the kids in school?

Can the children cope with being completely isolated while surrounded by their peers, because they can’t speak to them? How will you get any work if you lose your job if you don’t know the lingo?

It really annoys me when people come over to the UK and can’t speak or understand a word of English. If you have managed your move to come over here to live and work, for a better life or similar, then why in the world would you not learn how to communicate before you get here?

Yes, I do understand that a lot of people are fleeing war and end up here with nothing, I do feel for them. It’s not their fault that this world is full of arseholes. What is their fault is when they don’t make an effort to learn English, and better their lives once they are here.

Even certain people born in this country need to learn English, because some of the conversations I hear on a daily basis are quite shocking. I’m not saying that everyone should speak proper Queens English, but simple pronunciations like the work Library when it’s pronounced Libry…. ugh. It grates on my nerves.

I am not the only person to have these views, and I won’t be the last. I don’t claim to know everything about people’s circumstances, or anything like that. But there are ways around things if you want them bad enough, and being able to communicate should be the very first thing at the top of the list for anyone going to live in a different country, with a different language.

 

I’m fed up with the ridicule.

Do you know why? because I feel that I can’t wear whatever I please in hot weather for the sheer fact that some knob-head will comment on how fat I am.

It’s like, I see boob tubes, skirts and summer dresses and I think ‘Oh that’s really pretty, I’ll be so cool in that’ and then I get second thoughts because even though my husband says I’ll look great in it, there’s always nagging doubt that fills my head and makes me change my clothes. There’s always some ignorant cock-womble who thinks it’s funny to take the piss out of fat people. ‘Ugh look at that mess’ ‘what does she look like?’ ‘oh my god I just went off my food’ are comments I legitimately heard while I was out with my family the last few times in hot weather.

I already have enough shit just trying to find clothes that fit me, let alone finding clothing that is going to keep me cool, looks good on me and flatters my figure. I know I’m fat, I don’t need you to shout it across the beach, or snigger and point at me in the street.

My self confidence is already in the gutter without you helping it along.

It shouldn’t matter what body shape someone has, everyone has the basic human right to walk down the street wearing whatever they gods damn please, and they should not be fearful of what you think about it. Yes I have a few more pounds on my middle, yes I wobble when I walk, but you know what? Tough shit. If you don’t like it then don’t look at me. If I’m that disgusting to you then why are you spending so long looking at me and making comments? Just ignore me and go about your business and keep your damn mouth shut.

I know I’m fat, I’m very much aware of how big my arse is. I didn’t go to bed skinny and wake up fat. I don’t need you to scream at me in the street that I have a big arse, I already fucking know that, cuntmuffin!

We are all human, and we all sweat and need to keep cool in high temperatures.

Fat people don’t stay indoors all summer long, why should they? Do you scream insults at skinny people whose bones you can see? no, so why shout them at fat people? It’s people like you that is another thing wrong with this world. People who are happy to make someone else miserable just to get a laugh are what is wrong with society today.

Thanks for making my life more miserable because you can’t use your manners and keep your mouth shut. Thanks for making me think twice about buying that pretty summer dress in the sale, because I can see the insults hanging in the air as I place it in my basket, and then take it out again 10 minutes later. You’ve won.

I hope the happiness you get out of hurting fat people is worth it?

Did your parents bring you up to bully people, mine sure didn’t. I hope they are proud of your behaviour?

If you are someone who thinks that being a bully is cool, I hope that one day soon you pick on the wrong person and get a lesson in manners.

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