Keeping In Touch With People, Why You Really Should.

I’m not very good at keeping in touch with people. It’s because I see myself as a bother, so why would I inflict my bothersome self on others just to say hi? If they’re busy, how do I know? have I just messaged them in the middle of something important? are they driving or dealing with a poorly child? and let me tell you if you don’t already know, poorly children are NOT fun. The last thing I want to be doing is messaging someone with ”Hi. How’s your day going?” when they’re in the middle of mopping up vomit.

I keep saying to people, message me. I’ll read it when I get to it. If it’s important, then call me. Because nobody ever calls people nowadays, even your internet provider can be reached in an online chat service and your prescriptions can be arranged online, along with delivery. So, I know that if my phone is ringing, something is wrong. Every time I see my mother calling me – ”Hello, what’s wrong?” she never contacts me. If she is someone’s died.

In the last five years, four friends have died. Do you know what? That sucks. It really does, because they weren’t even old. They all died from illnesses. One had Emphysema, one had breast cancer, one died of organ failure, and the other also had cancer. I have no right to be sad at their passing, even though I was close friends with two of those four people at one point in our lives.

What was our last conversation? Me, floundering, wondering what to say. How do you reply to ”Yeah, it’s difficult to do things now, I have cancer”. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?! Suddenly, my children being little assholes isn’t important. I can’t say ”Oh, yeah, well. We’re going to the pub Friday night do you want to come?” can I? because that’s what I was messaging her about. The answer will clearly be no. I didn’t reply. I DIDN’T REPLY. This poor woman, who had children the same age as mine, who was only a year younger than me, who was my only friend at secondary school, whose house I went around often, who I hung around with in the summer holidays, has cancer. It’s stage 4, she’s dying. What do I do? I DON’T FUCKING REPLY! That’s what I did. I found out a few months later that she was on end-of-life care, and within three days she was dead. I had years to talk to her. I had months when I found out she was ill. I DiDn’T RePLy!! so I have no rights to be sad that she’s dead. But I am sad.

I’m sad about all of the missed opportunities to talk to her. I miss the opportunity to ask about her children. I miss remembering the good days as her friend. I can’t tap open messenger and type ‘Hey Kerry, how’s things?’ because messenger isn’t available in heaven yet.

Today is Monday. On Thursday last week I went to the funeral of another close friend. I’ve known this guy since I was thirteen. That’s a long time. He was 44. He died of organ failure in hospital. He died, and I didn’t find out until five weeks later, when his Aunt found me on his fb profile under ‘family member – sister’. Best bet I’m trying not to cry as I’m typing this.

He still saw me as his little sister, after I moved eighty miles away and hadn’t spoken to him in two years before he died. I went back through messenger this morning, just to look. How bad is that? I couldn’t even remember the last time I spoke to this man.

From what I learnt at his funeral; he was really struggling with life. Had turned to drink, gotten help, tried to turn his life around. He’d moved homes. I didn’t know any of it. This man, who helped me when nobody else did, saw the good in me and never gave up, was nothing but loyal and kind and generous, had taken to drink and I didn’t know. Our last conversation was over a span of a few days, as I ignored his messages and replied sparingly. Simply because I was likely busy and would get back to him later.

Now, there is no later. He’s gone. I don’t get to see that huge grin; I don’t get to hear his favourite saying- ‘wasssuuupppppp!!’ anymore. I don’t get to hug him. I feel like shit. I have no rights to be crying over this man’s death, because I failed as a friend. He would never have failed me.

My message to you, don’t wait. If someone messages, you then reply asap. Even if you have to say you’re really sorry you’re busy right now, message me later. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Messenger isn’t available in Heaven.